


I've never needed anything (but maybe I need you)

by queststar



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Idiots in Love, Inspired by Once Upon a Time (TV), Mutual Pining, Pining, Swan Queen - Freeform, Young Love, swanqueen - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:08:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25940374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queststar/pseuds/queststar
Summary: AU Storybrooke, in which Cora Mills wants to improve her image by fostering a girl, Regina tries to talk her out of it and Emma, hearing their conversation, hates Regina at first sight.Or at least, that's how it starts.
Relationships: Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Emma Swan
Comments: 43
Kudos: 208





	I've never needed anything (but maybe I need you)

**Author's Note:**

> So, I wrote this super quickly because apparently, I needed to get it out of my system. I'm not a native English speaker and the piece isn't beta'd, so errors are my own.  
> Mild trigger warning for the first part, in which physical abuse and some self destructive behavior is mentioned.

Emma doesn’t particularly like Regina when they meet for the first time. In fact, Emma hates Regina at first sight and it has everything to do with the conversation she picks up between Regina and her mother.

It all starts when Cora Mills, one of the wealthier and more influential citizens of Storybrooke, wants to improve her image. And Regina, trying to protect the poor soul who is going to help improve said image, boldly steps up to her mother.

“I think this is a bad idea,” Regina tells her mother.

“Nonsense, dear. It’s a wonderful one. We’re rescuing a castaway, give it a proper home and a proper education, and she’ll be a productive member of society.”

It sounds to Regina as if her mother is considering adopting a dog to learn it some tricks. “For what? A pat on your back from the upper classes to congratulate you with a job well done?” Regina scowls. She knows all to well what her mother is capable of.  
  
“Nobody’s going to pat me on the shoulder, dear. But if it’s beneficial for the Mills family name well, of course I am not opposed to that idea.” Cora seems quite pleased with herself. “I’ve picked a nice girl. Make sure she feels welcome.”

“You can’t just go to a group home and pick a random... _stranger_ to live with you,” Regina protests, “And a foster child is not an accessory, mother. How did you even manage to arrange this so quickly?”

“Money opens doors, my dear. Including these ones. The girl must be happy with this chance, I’m sure.”

“But-”

Cora waves it away and glares at her daughter, disapproval and growing impatience evident on her face..

“ Regina. I’ve indulged you long enough.” 

Regina rolls with her eyes but purses her lips in discontent. She’s eighteen and sometimes feels she’s the adult in the relationship with her mother, but she also knows to thread carefully when her mother’s patience wears thin. Shaking her head, she turns on her heels -

And freezes. A blond girl with a duffle bag is shooting daggers with her eyes, and she’s the target.

“Can I help you?” Regina asks sharply, folding her arms in front of her chest and straightening her back, but her mother strides past her.

“Now, Regina, I didn’t raise you to be this hostile. This is… Emma, right?”  
  
“Emma Swan,” the girl barks, raising her chin defiantly. 

“Miss Swan,” Cora says, “Welcome to our home.” Regina sees that Cora wants to wrap an arm around Emma’s shoulders, but the girl steps aside quickly, ducking her head. Regina’s heart goes out to her and offers her a sympathetic smile, but Emma’s glaring back angrily at her. 

“This is my daughter, Regina,” Cora continues as if nothing’s the matter, “She’ll show you around.” 

Regina blinks in surprise, eyes shooting from her mother to Emma, who narrows her eyes and just stares angrily.

“Let’s… establish some ground rules, shall we?” Cora seems oblivious to the tension. “Dinner’s at six, you’re expected to be ready. And by ready, I mean clean face, clean hands, clean clothes.” Cora eyes the girl up and down and lifts her nose. “Take your shoes off at the door upon entering, dear, because they’re dirty. We’ll get you some… fitting clothes tomorrow. I know you’re hardly used to any standards, but as a part of the Mills family you have an image to uphold. Oh, and as you’re going to Storybrooke High, you’ll take the school bus which leaves at eight so make sure to be ready before then. Regina will show you your room.” 

“I what?” Regina sputters and Emma’s brow furrows even more.

"Yes, dear, you will. Try to be hospitable like I raised you,” Cora glares at her, and Regina grits her teeth. She motions Emma to follow her.

“Oh, and Emma?” 

The girl turns her head to meet Cora, and the older woman smiles. “Regina has the presumption that she’s gay. It’s a fling. Do not try anything with my daughter.” 

Regina rolls her eyes. She’s come out just after her eighteenth birthday, a couple of months ago, conveniently waiting until she passed the adult age. Her mother thinks it’s just a phase, but apparently, she deems it necessary to tell Emma to back off. 

Emma snorts and shrugs, before she turns to follow Regina, whose face has now flushed with embarrassment. 

"I pity you,” Emma says with a hostile tone when they’re out of Cora’s hearing range. Regina, still sensitive about her mother dismissing her sexual orientation as something temporary, narrows her eyes and glares at the younger girl. “What, because I’m gay?” 

“No,” Emma snorts, “I don’t care about that. I mean, for having a conniving bitch as your mother. For having this life. The exterior is nice, but it’s a golden prison and it’s not going to keep me a prisoner. I’ll run away.”

Regina shrugs and continues her way to the room that’s now Emma’s, but the blonde girl isn’t done yet. “So you can hate me as much as you want but don’t bother, because I’ll be out of your way soon.”

“Wha- I don’t hate you,” Regina says surprised.

“You don’t want me here. Don’t deny it, because I just heard you talking to your _mom.”_ She spits out the final word, leaving Regina baffled.

“You misunderstood,” Regina tries to defend herself, opening the door opposite from her own room. “I don’t mind having you here, but I know my mother and her ulterior motives.” 

There’s a silence as Emma follows Regina into the room, and Emma folds her arms in front of her chest, raising an eyebrow. “You’re in my room,” she snaps. “Go away.”

Regina rolls her eyes and turns, walking outside the room. “If you need anything, I’m across the hallway.” 

“I’ve never needed anything,” Emma says, “I’m not going to need anything now.” And with that, she locks the door firmly behind Regina.

~*~ 

  
Cora doesn’t disappoint: Within two days, Emma has a completely new wardrobe, a phone and has been enrolled into Storybrooke High. And she’s already missed the bus to her first day of school, out of principle. 

For the past two days, Emma’s tried to make their lives as hard as she can. She’s defied most of Cora’s established rules - she showed up late for dinner, she kept her boots on, leaving a muddy trail up to her room, and even wears her old red leather jacket instead of her newer ones. The only rule she hasn’t challenged is hitting on Regina, she thinks. 

In any case, Cora is not pleased, and Regina knows all about Cora’s consequences.

“Emma, you’re late,” Cora says, and Regina sees how her mother purses her lips. Emma doesn’t acknowledge hearing her, but has a smug look on her face. This was her intention all the way, Regina realises. She’s trying to be kicked out. 

“I’ll drive her,” she offers hastily, and Emma’s head snaps up. Cora nods approvingly. “I’m happy the two of you get along,” she says, before she strides out of the room.

“Trying to get me out of the house?” Emma murmurs, mouth full, and Regina rolls with her eyes while taking her keys and grabbing Emma’s arm in the process.

“No, you idiot. I’m trying to keep you inside. Mother doesn’t have much patience, and the only reason she hasn’t sent you back yet because of your multiple attempts to be kicked out, is that it would be bad for her reputation,” she snaps.

Emma shrugs, but comes with Regina willingly to Regina’s old Mercedes. Emma scoffs, upon seeing the car. “Figures.”

“What?”  
  
“Poor little rich girl with her tough life drives a Mercedes.”

“It used to be my dad’s car before he died, and one of the few things I was allowed to keep because it was of any use,” Regina says stiffly, not wanting to show the blonde girl how Emma’s words hurt her, and Emma eyes her briefly before turning her eyes outside of the window.

They drive to the school in silence. Regina’s hurt and frustrated anger grow while driving, and when she stops, she snaps: “Give me your phone.” 

Without thinking, Emma hands it over, and Regina hammers in her own number. “Whether you believe it or not, you have an ally in me. Insult me all you want, dear, but I’ve lived eighteen years with my mother. I don’t scare away easily.” She pushes the phone back into Emma’s hands, who eyes her carefully for a moment.

Then, rolling her eyes and with a muttered, “Whatever,” Emma opens the door and steps out, leaving Regina behind. She sighs and parks her car to attend her own classes.

~*~

The positive thing about having Emma in the house and her mother trying to keep up appearances, is that Cora’s focus has entirely moved from Regina to keeping Emma in line - and for once, Cora is losing. Honestly, Regina is surprised that Cora hasn’t sent Emma back yet, despite what it would do to her image.

Within a month, Emma’s tried to run away twice, but the sheriff has brought her back both times. After the second time, she and Cora had a private talk. When Emma left Cora’s office she had looked very pale, and the incident had left Emma more wary about her foster mother, but she hadn't tried another attempt to leave. Instead, she’s seeking other ways to act out. 

She continues to wear her old jacket, the red fake leather one that Cora absolutely abhors. Emma is late for school so many times that Regina’s forced to drive her every morning and even then, she just doesn’t show up for classes. She comes home after dinner, and starts hanging out with the wrong crowd in school. She sometimes returns to the house reeking of alcohol and most of those times, Regina can intercept her before Cora finds out. The one time Cora does notice is on a Friday after school and she’s outraged, grounding Emma to her room for the entire weekend.

Regina never tells her, but she’s impressed with how severely Emma draws the blood from under Cora’s nails and gets away with it. Well, apart from the alcoholic abuse.

When it comes to Regina’s and Emma’s relationship, except for Regina being Emma’s driver, it’s almost nonexistent. Regina has tried to make contact with Emma, but the blonde girl stubbornly refuses and at some point, Regina gives up. She has her own friends, doesn’t need any more, and is definitely not going to spend time with someone who doesn’t even want to have her around. 

And then, everything changes.

Regina’s phone starts ringing in the middle of the night. She wakes up, blindly reaching for it, and frowns with sleepy eyes when she sees the unknown number. Before she answers, she sees the time. Two a.m.

“Hello?” Her voice is raspy from sleep, and she clears her throat.

She hears some noise in the background, and then a choked sob.

“Emma?” she asks, suddenly sitting up straight. “Is that you?” 

"Can you… can you come and get me?” the girl softly says and Regina can hear her crying. 

Suddenly wide awake, she swings her legs over the edge of her bed. “Give me your location. I’m on my way.”

Emma complies immediately, and Regina sneaks out of the house, takes her car and sets course to the bad part of town. She usually avoids this quarter and is immediately reminded why when her headlights shine on some dubious figures, lurking in the shadows. This neighborhood isn’t one where you want to be in daytime, let alone during the night. Especially not as a sixteen-year-old girl.

She reaches Emma’s location, and scans the surroundings until her eye falls on an ally. Slumped against the wall, Emma’s made herself as small as she possibly could while she’s waiting for Regina. Rolling down the window, Regina hisses her name and Emma looks up, scared, and Regina’s shocked to see the tear stained face, and the bruise on Emma’s cheek.

“Get in,” she barks, shocked with what she’s seeing, and Emma immediately listens to her, no snides, no snaps, not anything. And that alone tells Regina how bad the situation is. Emma slides into the chair, averts her eyes and breathes in deeply, shaking.

“Thank you.” 

“We need to talk about this.” 

“Later, I promise. I’m just… I’m so tired,” Emma murmurs with a sob, closing her eyes. Regina nods, but is determined to get answers.

"Regina?" Emma says with a small voice when they're almost home, and Regina's eyes briefly flick to the girl next to her.

"Yes?"

"Thank you." 

Regina smiles, and nods. 

At home, she puts Emma in the shower, makes sure she gets dressed and puts her in bed. The girl’s asleep right away.

~*~

They don’t tell Cora, who’s out early the following day. Small victories, Regina thinks, while trying to cover the bruise on Emma’s cheek with makeup. “What happened, Emma?” she gently asks. 

“I… can’t remember,” Emma murmurs, and Regina raises her shackles, scowling.

“I went out of my goddamn way to pick you up in the middle of the night,” Regina snaps, and she sees how Emma flinches. “The least you can do is give me an explanation why.” 

“I _know_ ,” Emma fires back ,”But I really, really can’t remember. The last thing I know is that we were drinking and we were heading out to go to a party, and then… I remember waking up in the ally.” Her voice grows small, and Regina breathes in sharply, feeling nauseous as she thinks of-. 

“Did they hurt you? E-except for your face-” 

“No. No, they didn’t,” Emma is quick to answer, eyes downcast, but she raises them to meet Regina’s. “They really didn’t,” she says more fiercely, and Regina can only hope that it is true.

From that day on, their relationship improves. A tentative friendship starts to develop as Emma opens up a little more and starts to follow most of the rules Cora has laid down for her. That doesn’t mean she stops to antagonize Cora because, Emma once confides in her, it’s just too much fun.

The bond between them grows a little every day. They talk a lot, about what it was like growing up in the system and growing up in a golden cage. Regina helps Emma with her school work whenever Emma gets frustrated, and together they laugh in secret about Emma’s pranks to antagonize Cora. Regina learns that Emma has severe abandonment issues and hates people entering her personal bubble. 

Regina feels protective of the girl, who’s two years her junior, and that protectiveness only grows the more she learns about Emma. And she lives up to her promise: she helps Emma with all things Emma wants to be helped with. With Regina’s backup and help, Emma tries harder, slowly increasing her grades and falling in line, at least at school. At the end of the school year, Emma’s all caught up. Regina graduates, and Emma still has two more years of high school to go while Regina goes to college, where she studies law - her mother’s choice, but Regina likes law school and chooses some family related topics as a minor. She makes sure to come home every weekend where Cora, surprisingly, has taken to Emma, despite her always antagonizing behaviour. 

Still, Emma is always relieved when Regina returns for the weekend, so she can act as a buffer between the blonde and her mother. During the week, Emma makes herself as scarce as she possibly can, but she’s always home early on Fridays, when Regina arrives. 

There’s only one time when Emma is actively being the buffer herself. Cora, still believing that Regina’s sexual orientation is still something she should get over with, invites a suitable bachelor every week for dinner. Regina rolls with her eyes every time, makes sure the guys instantly know that it’s not her idea, and gets rid of them as soon as she can. After each week’s episode, Regina and Emma make a habit of analyzing said bachelor and Emma makes Regina laugh every time by awarding points. Or by imitating them - she’s rather good at that. However, there’s one time Emma steps up. And that’s when the guest of the week is no one else than Leopold Blanchard, Mayor of Storybrooke. 

“You’ve got to be kidding,” Emma barks at Cora, furiously. “Mayor Blanchard is like, a hundred years old. He could be Regina’s father. He could be _your_ father.” 

“Age is just a matter of perception, dear,” Cora says dismissively, and where she normally is somewhat laid back as far as these weekly dates go, this time she’s adamant that the girls be at their best behavior. “A union would be a wonderful opportunity for Regina. And Mayor Blanchard is a very dear friend of the family. You will be polite.” 

But Emma turns out to be Regina’s knight in shining armor and marches into the dining room. Without introducing herself, she steps into the mayor’s personal space. “Mr Mayor, did you know that Cora invited you as a suitable bachelor for Regina? What does a _respectable_ mayor think about arranged relationships between a young girl and a man at the ripe age of at least eighty? What would your _voters_ think?” 

The mayor flushes deep red, and makes his excuses before hurrying out of the house. 

Cora is outraged and threatens to send Emma back to the orphanage for insulting the mayor but they all know they won’t, because sending an orphan back is still very bad for her reputation. Especially with the reason why Emma insulted the mayor in the first place.

Emma is grounded instead, but later that night Regina sneaks in, envelops Emma into a spontaneous tight hug which she stiffly accepts, and places a soft kiss on Emma’s cheek. “Thank you,” she whispers, before retreating to her own bedroom.

After that, there are no more weekly visits and Cora no longer questions Regina’s sexuality, although she never addresses it either.

A little while later, almost eighteen-years-old Emma announces that she has a boyfriend. And Regina, when she’s home for the weekend, questions her relentlessly when Emma tells her. The latter grows increasingly antagonized because of it. “You’re never meeting him,” Emma snaps at Regina, exasperated, “because you wouldn’t be able to behave and you’d interrogate him till the end of time.” 

“I would, for sure,” Regina says with a quirked eyebrow. “I'm not sorry for being protective. You’re my best friend and I want to make sure he treats you right.” 

“He does!” Emma protests.

He doesn’t, dumping her a few weeks later. Regina’s left to pick up the pieces of a heartbroken Emma, and bites back the “I told you so.” Emma, always hesitant with showing affection, never the touchy-feely type, launches herself into Regina’s arms. They stumble backwards, onto Emma’s bed and Emma up in Regina’s arms, burying her face into Regina’s shoulder and when Regina wraps her own arms around frail shaking shoulders, something stirs in the brunette’s heart when she gently kisses Emma’s temple, striking her hair and murmuring comforting words.

She doesn’t think about it at that particular moment, nor ponders it when Emma flutters from vague boyfriend to boyfriend without really committing herself to the relationship - the asshole boyfriend has stirred up some abandonment issues - until Emma falls deeply in love with a serious guy - someone she, in fact, does introduce to Regina. 

And when she does, she can’t hide her surprise. Emma’s dating one of the guys that Cora deemed good enough for Regina before, because she recognizes him from one of those dreaded dinner dates. Cora approves of course, because Neal is the son of one of her oldest friends, Mr. Gold. 

Neal, the guy’s called, is easy going enough. When Emma introduces him to Regina, Emma leans into Neal's embrace, making nauseating heart eyes at him, and Regina can’t get over how comfortable Emma is in his arms. Emma, who’s always reluctant to touch other people and who dislikes other people touching her, now seems to do just that so easily, Regina begrudgingly thinks and after a (somewhat illegal but she’s only looking out for her friend) background check, Regina reluctantly accepts him as someone who’s important to Emma. Because that’s what friends do, right? And Regina is unpleasantly surprised when she feels a surge of… jealousy.

That weekend is hard, and not just because they’re suffering from a heatwave. Emma and Regina hardly see each other during the two days. Emma is away with Neal - to be honest, Regina was invited for their beach trip, but had already felt a little nauseous over Emma’s and Neal’s kissing and touching on Friday. She really doesn’t need to see that the entire weekend. Regina stays in the air conditioned mansion where she retreats to her room more often than not. She turns inward for some self reflection on why she’s revulsed by the idea of Emma and Neal together. 

And it doesn’t take her very long to come to a shocking conclusion that shifts her world upside down.

She has only been in love once before, when she was sixteen. The girl never returned her feelings, outright telling Regina that she would never love a girl and Regina, always feeling deeply, was heartbroken. Now, almost five years later, she finds herself in the same position. 

Emma has not once indicated that she might also like girls and Regina’s not putting their friendship on the line. She rather has Emma as a friend than not at all.

And it hurts her to her core, but she vows Emma will never know.

Regina doesn’t come home for two weekends in a row, needing the space to recollect herself to face Emma and her sidekick. She tries to find ways to cope, to compartmentalize her feelings and to put them away in her mind. Regina also doesn’t call Emma, and Emma doesn’t call Regina either.

But after the second weekend of Regina not coming home - she’s made up excuses about midterms which she does, in fact, has, but Regina doesn’t need the extra time to study -, she’s almost surprised to see Emma’s caller ID lit up on her screen.

"Emma,” she answers, “What’s wrong?” Part of her hopes that she broke up with Neal, but alas, she has no such luck.And she feels guilty for ever thinking it immediately after.

“I was about to ask the same thing,” Emma retorts, “We haven’t seen you in almost three weeks.” 

“I have-” 

"Midterms. I know, but that’s never stopped you before from coming home.” There’s a hint of an accusation, and Regina sighs deeply.

“I’ll come home this weekend,” she gives in. Because she never can say no to Emma. But just before she sets off to Storybrooke, she looks at herself in the mirror and talks some sense into herself. So she puts up her mask, reinvents herself, plasters a smile on her face whenever Neal is joining them, gives him the third degree - because she’s still protective as hell - and is almost disappointed when he passes.

Regina finishes her second year of college and Emma graduates from high school. Of course, Regina is there when Emma receives her diploma and after the ceremony, Emma bounces over to her, pulling her in a tight hug. Regina’s nearly yelps in surprise, because Emma’s never been so touchy-feely with her before and her body sings while the blood rushes through her head. It takes two seconds before Regina returns the embrace while her eyes fall shut, pressing her nose in Emma’s hair and she inhales Emma’s scent. “Regina,” Emma murmurs against her shoulder, “I never would have been able to do this without you.” Regina smiles, opens her eyes, and looks right into Neals. She stiffens somewhat, but holds his gaze as she slowly disentangles herself from Emma. “You’ve always had it in you,” she tells her friend with shining eyes, “you just had to believe it. I’m so proud of you, Emma.” 

Emma kisses her cheek and Regina flushes, which makes Emma laugh. “I love you, Regina. You’ve been the one who’s believed in me even at times I wanted to give up.”

She turns to Neal, who also envelops her in a hug and Regina wants to cry, but instead, she plasters on a smile and a beaming face because she is happy for her friend.

Her face falls when the lovebirds turn around and move away from her, and she inhales deeply. Emma’s scent is still lingering around her and for a short moment, she revels in it. Then, she feels a hand on her arm and she nearly jumps.

Her mother looks at her, pensively. “Let’s go home for a celebration,” she says and Regina straightens her back. Plasters on another fake smile. 

She shall conquer this.

~*~

But she doesn't. The following year is quite uneventful. Regina works hard on her studies, acing her classes (but nobody is really surprised) and Emma picks out a social work. She’s set her mind to opening a youth center to help children and works vigorously on her education. Regina watches from a distance and is so pleased that Emma’s found herself a passion. But she never conquers her feelings, as much as she would like it. Instead, she keeps pining over Emma from a distance.

Regina still visits home every other week, because, well, Neal is still in the picture and Regina’s not a masochist. Sometimes when she visits, Neal isn’t there, and for a brief moment, Regina is allowed to think that nothing’s changed between herself and Emma when they talk and laugh together. Until, of course, she’s reminded of a certain boyfriend - either because he’s showing up, or when Emma starts to talk about him.

She's become an expert in hiding her emotions in the process.

It takes a full year before their lives take another turn. 

Can’t I move in with you?” Emma asks Regina, who nearly chokes on her coffee. They’re sitting in the backyard of Cora’s mansion. Emma stretches her legs. She dumped Neal a few weeks ago during their summer break. They were on a road trip together, on their way to Tallahassee, when he told her he needed someone to pick up a batch of stolen watches. 

Emma had turned the car and had headed home, leaving Neal on the side of the road. 

There had been some backlash from both Cora and Mr. Gold, until the latter one had had to bail out his son, who’d gotten for the watches himself and got caught. 

Regina, outraged when she heard about the entire episode, had returned home immediately, but Neal’d already disappeared when she arrived.

Strangely enough, Emma is rather calm about it all. She’s not as heartbroken as Regina had expected. When she carefully inquires, Emma shrugs. “I’m more angry than sad, really. He turned out to be an asshole and really, I’m not even that surprised. I think I just… protected my heart, you know?” Still, Regina is immensely relieved - up until this question of Emma wanting to move in with Regina, at least.

“You want _what_?” Regina uncharacteristically sputters.

“Stay at your place. I’d pay rent, of course, if that’s what you worry about.”

“I don’t care about that. What happened with being the independent one and wanting your own place?” Regina rolls with her eyes because weeks before - still in the Neal-era - that’s what Emma’d wanted.

Emma snorts. “Did you see the prices in Boston? They’re insane! But I really want to move out of the dorm I’m staying in.” 

Regina nods. She was never one for staying in dorms either, and is aware of the Boston realty prices, as she’s just moved into her own two bedroom apartment. She’s used the trust money that she’s received when she’s turned 21. Real estate is always a good investment, especially in cities like these. 

“Please? I’ll even do the dishes.” Emma looks at Regina with pleading eyes, and because Regina can still never say no to Emma, Emma moves in and gets the small bedroom. However, Regina has a couple of rules. 

1 - Regina cooks. She’s seen what Emma does to a kitchen and she won’t have it in her new apartment, which has a big kitchen diner.

2 - Emma does her fair share of the household tasks, and does her own laundry. She pays her share of groceries.

3 - Neither of them will have their love interest move in with them - not even partially. They will sleep at their own place. It’s self protection, really. Mostly on Regina’s behalf.

And so, they’re reunited. They play house together - Emma and Regina, sharing Regina’s apartment and albeit sleeping in different rooms, Regina’s happy. She knows she can’t have it all, but sometimes, when she leans her head on Emma’s shoulder and Emma wraps an arm around her while they’re watching a movie one evening, she believes that life can’t get any better than this. If this is all she can have, she can live with that. She can live with the smiles over coffee, with ending each other’s sentences and with the quiet way they’re finding a rhythm together, almost without any effort.

Once, Emma looks her, thoughtfully. “How come you’ve never had a girlfriend?” 

Regina’s cheeks turn pink instantly, and she hides her face behind her coffee mug. “I’ve just… never met the right girl.” She smiles, but it looks more like a grimace. “Whenever I like a girl, they’re just… not into women, I guess. I’m doomed to fall for the wrong women.” She smiles wryly.

“I’m sorry,” Emma says, but Regina shrugs.

“Don’t be. It’s not your fault.” Oh, if Emma only knew. “I’m happy with where I am right now. My studies, my life, having you around. Right now, there’s nothing more I could wish for.” 

And it’s true. Regina does feel happy.

Of course, it doesn’t last. It never does.

Change comes quicker than she anticipated. It lands right after her 22nd birthday in February, when Emma finds herself a sailor. 

Regina dislikes Killian Jones at first sight. He’s loud, obnoxious, ever present, has a temper and is a slob. She loathes his leather jacket, his love for rum, and the way he’s all over Emma. And why the _hell_ does the guy wear eyeliner?!

It has nothing to do with her own feelings for Emma. Really, it’s not. He’s just a sleazebag.

The dislike is mutual. Whenever Killian and Regina are in the same room, their conversations are filled with snarky, sarcastic remarks. Sometimes, Emma tries to soothe them, which usually results in Killian leaving the apartment and Emma soon following him. Regina hates what she’s doing, hates what Emma’s turning into. Emma is a strong, confident woman, but whenever she’s in Killian’s vicinity, she turns into this shadow of herself, only trying to please her boyfriend and hardly stepping up for herself. He controls her and Regina worries immensely.

It’s no surprise that it’s Killian they have their worst fight over.

“You’re way too good for him, you know that, right?” Regina tells Emma.

“You don’t understand him like I do,” Emma defends her boyfriend. “He has no one. His father abandoned him and his brother when he was young. He loves me, Regina.”

“That’s not a reason to stay with someone. What do _you_ feel?” 

There’s a hesitation. “I love him too,” Emma murmurs.

Somehow, it feels like a punch to the stomach and she involuntarily takes a step back. The movement aggravates Emma even more.

“You do this every time,” she spits out, “Every time I like someone you look at me like I’m a stranger. And every time you give them a hard time. It was like that with Neal, and now you’re doing the same with Killian.” 

“Neal turned out to be a criminal, so I guess there’s something to say for my intuition,” Regina snaps back. Now, it’s Emma who recoils and Regina feels a pang of guilt. “Emma, I only want what’s best for you. I love you.”

There’s a silence after Regina’s final words. She’s told Emma that she loves her many times, but there’s a different load to it now, which lingers in the air.

“That’s different and you know it.” Emma actually seems a little hurt by Regina’s words, as if it’s not fair to compare the two loves. And that makes Regina more aggravated, but before she can say anything else, Emma continues.

“Okay, he’s a little… persistent. He had to win me over but it tells me that he really, really wants to be with me. And that’s enough. For someone who’s never had someone for most of her life, never was wanted, and then being wanted like this...” Emma chews her lip. 

Regina can’t believe what she’s hearing. It feels like her heart is shattering to pieces on Emma’s confession, and her anger makes her lash out. “Is that really enough? Because these past few months I’ve seen you withering away into only a shadow of the woman who you used to be. Where did that strong woman that I know you are, go to? Emma, you’re shaping yourself into someone that _he_ wants to see. If he really loves you, he’ll support you through your own decisions, he’d want you to be the best version of yourself, he’d wanted you to have your best chances, and he wouldn’t at all shape you in a meek follower that you’re turning into now. Just because _Captain Guyliner_ is persistent doesn’t mean that he’s right for you!” 

“How the hell would you know?” Emma snaps back, “You’ve never even had a _real_ relationship. How would you know what it’s even _like?_ ” Something Regina can’t define flashes in her eyes, and Regina stumbles when she takes another imaginary blow to the stomach and the fight leaves her body instantly. Tears sting behind her eyes and she’s forcing them back. Emma looks taken aback, as if she knows she went too far. “Regina,” Emma starts her apology, while tentatively reaching for her, but Regina takes another step back out of her reach and raises her chin, struggling to get her mask in place.

Her face goes blank and she puts up her walls. “ _It’s fine._ Go be with your pirate, then. Throw your life away, for all I care. Do close the door behind you on your way out.” She turns abruptly and strides to her own room with her chin up and locks the door behind her. Then, she sinks to the ground with her back to the door, knees up, arms wrapped around them, and she buries her face in her knees, breathing unevenly. 

She hears Emma’s footsteps coming closer and holds her breath for a few seconds, but then, she hears a few murmured words that she can’t understand but it’s probably some lame ass excuse and then, Emma moves away from her door. Only after Emma leaves the apartment, Regina lowers her head and allows hot, frustrated tears to leave her eyes.

Things cool down between them after that episode. Regina sees the remorse in Emma’s eyes but will not have it. Especially because the pirate, as Regina’s consequently calling him, also comes over to pick her up. Soon, however, Killian's visits to the apartment grow less frequent and Emma’s away most nights now, almost living with him. Wherever that is. Regina doesn’t even know, because Emma’s never told her.

They sometimes cross paths in the apartment when Emma needs to pick something up, or they app whenever they need anything, but their contact is stiff and formal. Emma’s tried to apologize but Regina won’t have it. Not when the once fierce, strong Emma turns into a meek and soft version of herself in the process. 

And then, one day, when Regina comes home after work, Emma’s home. 

"Hi,” she shyly says, and Regina eyes her with surprise and wariness. Then, without further introduction, she blurts out, “Killian’s asked me to marry him.”

Regina nearly chokes on her own breath, cold sweat of panic instantly forming on her forehead. She tries to keep up her cool appearance but it’s hard, so hard to breathe and then Emma smiles, grimly. “I turned him down.” 

Regina blinks slowly, as she registers the words and swallows a thick lump in her throat. 

“And I wanted to tell you… you were right.” Emma says. “There was a voice inside of me - it looked a lot like your voice, actually… and it asked me if he would support me through the rest of my studies, if he’d help me set up the youth center, and if he would… I don’t know, embark on the journey with me? So I asked him that, and he said that I wouldn’t need to break my pretty little head over it. Then, I told him he wanted to think about it because it’s so soon, and he just… said that if I wasn’t interested, he could find someone else instead. And… I was kind of shocked that I almost gave in because of his threat and I realized... I don’t even love him. I just wanted…. I don’t know. He’s an asshole. And so am I.” 

Regina blinks again, still too stupefied to say something, but then she recovers quickly as Emma’s words come through her foggy brain and she clears her throat, while folding her arms. 

“Well. I could say that I told you so, but I’m just happy that you’ve come to your senses,” Regina says, stiffly. “You deserve better.” 

“I want to apologize, because I’ve treated you like shit over this.” The remorse is back in Emma’s eyes, and she turns her gaze to her feet. “I’m sorry. About everything. You were right.” 

Regina can hold a grudge for a long time. And she has. Between their fight and now, almost six months have passed and Regina hasn’t forgiven her. It’s still hard to let it go, but… it’s still Emma. She still feels for her. 

“You should come home,” she says quietly, but when Emma steps forward to thank her, Regina takes a step back. Emma’s hands, with which she’d wanted to touch Regina, fall next to her body. “Give me time,” Regina murmurs, and turns around. 

Emma complies, and so, the blonde is back in her apartment full time and even though Regina’s happy that she’s home, it isn’t like it used to be. Emma’s really trying, but Regina keeps an emotional distance. Emma seems to accept the current status quo reluctantly.

~*~

23-years-old Regina studies hard, putting all her frustrated energy into her education, takes the bar, graduates with honors, and goes to work for a small law firm specializing in family law. She dreams of opening her own law firm one day, but it’s good to have a couple of years of experience first, before she even wants to consider it. 

Around Christmas, there’s a Christmas party in the mansion. Cora hosts one every year and invites only the wealthiest people in the area. She’s still all about appearances, and both Regina and Emma are invited and urged to dress well for the occasion. They travel home together by car - Regina still has the Mercedes - where Cora welcomes them. 

Because Cora is a perfectionist, she has a rack of gowns - selected by herself - waiting for them every year. Both Regina and Emma have given up telling Cora that they can really pick out their own dresses, but Cora won’t have it. And thus, they go upstairs, share a glance of understanding, and go to Regina’s room which is bigger. 

“She’s outdone herself this year,” Emma says and Regina can only agree. They fit a couple of them and then make their final pick: a black sleeveless gown with an open back and a long skirt reaching her ankles for Regina, and a bright red one, sleeves on the side and cleavage for Emma.

That night, Regina can hardly take her eyes off Emma, who’s telling a friend of the family about her wish to open up a youth center. Emma looks stunning with her hair partly up, leaving her neck and shoulders bare, the gown hugging her form, skirt dancing around her feet.Regina’s gaze drifts over to the woman in red even during conversation and sometimes, when their eyes meet, Emma smiles at her. Regina's treacherous heart thaws with every smile. And she’s pining for her, as much as she ever was. Nothing’s changed, and Regina never learns.

And then, when Regina’s conversation partner is turning away to get something to drink, Emma’s standing next to her. “Hi,” she says sheepishly, and Regina smiles as a reply.

“Do you maybe want to dance?” 

Regina raises her eyebrows, but sees that the question is sincere. Emma shrugs. “Um, You don’t have to, of course.” 

“Sure, why not. As long as you’ll let me lead.” 

Emma’s smile lights up her eyes. “Sure. You lead, and I’ll follow.” 

They dance. At first, it feels a little strange. Regina’s body reacts naturally to Emma’s and she has to struggle to control her breathing. Her hand tingles as she takes Emma’s, and after a deep breath - carefully avoiding Emma’s cleavage - she starts the dance. Fortunately, Emma still knows how to break the ice, when she impersonates Mr Gold. A smile curves around Regina's lips and Emma enthusiastically continues with an impersonation of her mother. And they have fun, like they used to have at these parties, with Emma copying everyone she’s spoken with in detail. It makes Regina laugh. And for a while, everything’s okay again.

A few months later, almost 22-years-old Emma comes home, a little nervous. Regina watches her shuffle a little awkwardly for a few moments, before Regina sighs deeply. “What’s wrong?”

“Uhm, nothing’s technically _wrong_ , I just… I’ve met someone.”

Regina barks out a bitter laugh, and feels how her walls go up instantly. “Again?” she says before she can contain herself, and Emma smiles sheepishly.

“I deserve that, I guess,” Emma says, “but Lily’s different. She really is.” 

Wait- what? Regina blinks.

Then blinks again.

“Lily?” Regina eyes her in disbelief. “You’re gay?” 

Emma seems uncomfortable, and shuffles on her feet. “Well, bi.”

"Emma, why have you never told me this?” There’s a whole new level of frustration building up inside of Regina now.

“I don’t know,” Emma says, and she sounds defensive, “Sexuality’s just not something we ever talk about? I’ve been bi since I can remember.” She looks at Regina through her lashes, and Regina has to refrain herself from throwing her hands up in desperation.

Regina’s world is upside down. She’s been hiding her feelings forever thinking she’d never stand a chance because Emma was straight. And now, Emma’s bringing home a girlfriend?! She suddenly has trouble breathing and turns, concentrates on inhaling and exhaling, and can feel Emma coming closer. 

The air is buzzing with electricity and Regina wonders if she’s the only one feeling it. Maybe, in a weird fairytale like world, she will turn and Emma will step forward to kiss her and tell Regina that it’s always been her and Regina can finally, finally relax into her embrace without -

Emma’s hand is on her shoulder. “Regina, are you okay?” 

Regina squeezes her eyes shut for a few seconds, then opens them again and turns. “As okay as I’ll ever be,” she cryptically says, and before Emma can say anything else, she shakes off Emma’s hand and continues with, “When’s she coming over?”

Lily surprises her. In a good way. Regina actually likes Lily. Not _like_ likes, because Lily has dark hair and eyes and Regina has a thing for a blonde with blonde hair and green eyes, but Regina can easily see how they can be friends. Lily has a dry, sarcastic kind of humor that resonates well with Regina. And , has a steady job as a social worker - which is how both of them met, and has a sharp mind. 

Lily’s running a youth center not far from their place, actually, which is how Emma and her met when Emma started to do some volunteering. Lily’s a social worker, basically what Emma wants to be “when I grow up,” she says with a smirk. It’s good for Emma’s experience, and she resonates well with the kids who come there. She’s a natural, Lily says fondly, and Regina agrees. She always knew social work would be perfect for her.

Lily’s also pretty hot, so Regina can imagine what Emma sees in her. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with her. 

They invite her to a fundraiser for the youth center. “I wanted nothing fancy,” Lily tells Regina, “But Emma insisted on getting Cora involved. Which means it’s out of my hands now. She’s organizing a _ball._ ” She rolls with her eyes and Regina smirks. She knows her mother all too well.

Emma looks smug. “Cora loves appearances,” she adds with a small smile. “She’ll look so good, committing herself to such a worthy cause.” 

However, Lily’s adamant about splitting it in two. She wants the neighborhood to have a chance to step in, as well. It means that during the day, there are all sorts of activities for children.

“Will you be there?” Emma asks Regina. And of course Regina will be there, because it’s important to Emma. She buys an expensive ticket for the ball.

On the morning of the fundraiser, Emma marches out of her room with two dresses. “Which one? Black or red?” She holds them both up, and when Regina looks up, breath catches in her throat. The black one is beautiful, but the red one she recognizes from Christmas. “Red,” she instantly says.

Emma frowns. “I was hoping that you and Lily would agree. She said black. Now I still don’t know which one to choose.” 

Regina tilts her head a little. “Well, you are the one who has to wear it. If you like them both, then try them on and see which one you find more comfortable wearing. You’ll look stunning in both of them, I’m fairly sure.” Emma wrinkles her nose, decides it’s good advice and disappears into her room again.

Regina doesn’t find out which dress Emma’s going to wear, because a mother she’s representing needs urgent help when her teenager ends up in jail for shoplifting, and she’s forced to text Emma that she’ll be late for the ball, if she’s going to make it at all.

She’s sitting in her office, getting all the paperwork in order. It’s getting dark and Regina’s getting frustrated. She knows she’ll miss the fundraiser entirely when she doesn’t stop but she can’t leave mother and son hanging, either. She texts Emma that she’ll be late, and continues her work.

It’s well after ten until all the paperwork is filed and she leans backwards into her chair, heaving a deep sigh. She’s exhausted, but thinks she can make it to the fundraiser for at least the final hour. She took her dress, just to be sure, so maybe--

But she freezes when she sees movement at her office door. “Who is there?” she barks.

“Me,” Emma says with a small smile. She looks a little jittery.

“Emma?” Regina breathes, and Emma steps forward, into the light. She’s wearing the red dress and looks absolutely breathtaking. Regina’s eyes flick over the dress and it’s exactly like her memory of previous Christmas, and meets Emma’s eyes. “You look stunning… why aren’t you at the fundraiser?” 

“Lily broke up with me and sent me to get you,” Emma hurriedly says and Regina blinks, frowns, and blinks again. 

“She what?” Regina rises from her chair, brow furrowed. “After all that you’ve-” 

“No, stop. Just… hear me out, okay?” Emma looks nervous and she ‘s fidgeting with her fingers. “Because Lily… she was right. I’m not even sad. And she’s not mad. We’re actually… more friends than anything else. Still are. And I’ll still work there. She’s just… helped me figure out some stuff that I wasn’t able to see before.” 

Regina’s utterly confused now and steps around her desk, unsure of what Emma needs from her right now. But Emma takes a step back which only fuels Regina’s bewilderment. And Regina gets a little cranky when she’s confused, so she folds her arms and leans against her desk.

  
Emma fumbles on. “I know I’ve got severe abandonment issues, I mean, that’s not a secret to you either, and one of the things I was really sorry about last year is how I gave the impression that nobody was ever there for because you always were. I was ungrateful and I’m sorry because you’re the only one who’s ever stood up for me. And I guess… that’s something I have never apologized for. So I guess I’m saying, I’m sorry for what I said.”

“Emma-” 

“You know, it’s weird, because I can remember the first time stepping into your mother’s house and we hated each other, right? And then you saved me, you helped me, and god, you’ve rescued me from me so many times.”  
  
“Well-” 

“You even took me in when I asked you if I could move in and I never thought it’d be like that and then -” Emma rambles on, and Regina can’t figure out what she wants to say.

“Emma!” Regina snaps and at least it has the desired effect - Emma stops babbling.

“What?” 

“What’s the chase and how do I cut to it?” 

Emma smiles at that remark, and inhales deeply, which pulls Regina’s gaze to her cleavage. Damn that red dress, she thinks, tightening her own arms around her body. She can feel the electricity in the air again as Emma carefully meets her eyes.

“Okay. Cut to the chase. The point…. The point is… Don’t freak out, okay?”

Regina tilts her head and nods wearily, bracing herself. “Go on.” 

“Regina, I love you.” 

Butterflies flutter in Regina’s belly, but she suppresses them relentlessly. “Yes, I know,” she replies, “we-”

“No! Not as a friend.” Emma’s fingers can’t be still anymore and neither can her feet, and she starts to pace up and down the office, while Regina’s usually sharp mind has trouble processing. “Why do you think my first girlfriend ever looked exactly like you?” 

“I…” Regina follows Emma’s movements, not able to say anything. The air is heavy with unspoken words. Her heart skips a bit first, then starts to slam into her ribcage, making it hard to breathe. She shifts her weight a little. “Emma… what?” 

“I’m sorry for dumping this on you but I’ve been keeping this inside for so long now and it’s really okay if you don’t like me that way because-” 

Regina, hardly able to contain the raging emotions inside her, pushes herself from the desk and closes the distance between them. She finds it hard to breathe when she’s this close to Emma, which she hasn’t been for a long while - not since Christmas, anyway, and Emma, who is also breathing shallowly, eyes her a bit warily. “What?”

Her hands itch to touch her, but she knows that Emma never really liked to be touched and she can’t just -

“Emma, may I kiss you?” 

Emma’s eyes grow wide. “Uh.. Y-yes?”

Regina immediately raises her hands, cups Emma’s face, and presses her lips on Emma’s. She feels the electrical heat surge through her body instantly, her blood sings and rushes through her veins, until she feels she’s on the verge of exploding when Emma sighs softly against her lips, eases into the kiss while slides her own arms around Regina’s waist and pulls her close-

Before planting her hands against Regina’s chest and pushing her away. Regina doesn’t understand what’s happening, but Emma looks at her in disbelief.

“Wait, what? You _like_ me?” 

Regina runs a hand through her hair in desperation struggling to regain her breath. Her lips still tingle from their kiss “God, Emma, would I kiss you if I didn’t?”

“How was I supposed to know? You’re the most outspoken person I know and you’ve never given me any indication that you liked me!” It almost sounds like an accusation, which Regina finds completely unfair.

“I didn’t know you were into women until you dropped that bomb with Lily,” the brunette snaps back, “Which meant you were in a relationship right away. How the hell was I supposed to know before?!”

They glare at each other for a few seconds, and then Emma’s face cracks into a smile. “Jesus. We’re so stupid.”

“Are we?” Regina’s not willing to let go of her frustration yet.

“Well, aren’t we? Tell me how long you’ve liked me.” 

“I…” Suddenly, Regina feels very warm and wraps her arms around herself.

“Tell me!” Emma demands,planting her fists on her hips.

“I don’t know, ever since your first boyfriend broke up with you, probably,” Regina snaps. 

“Holy crap!” Emma cries out, taking a step into Regina’s direction.

“What?!” Regina now barks, strangely offended.

“Why haven’t you _said_ anything?” 

“Because you were with Neal!” Regina cries out. Her words take a little of Emma’s frustration away. “And I vowed never to tell you that I loved you because I didn’t want to ruin our friendship and I was afraid it would drive you away from my life forever. I just couldn’t let that happen. So I just…settled for what I could get.” 

There’s a heavy silence after Regina’s heated confession and she’s turned her head away from Emma, but when there’s no reply, her eyes slowly slide back to Emma’s face. Emma’s mouth is curved into a perfect pouty “o” and Emma’s green eyes are widened, so now it’s Regina’s turn to say: “What?!”

“I think I fell in love with you when we started to live together,” Emma quietly confesses. “In your apartment. After Neal. Before…” 

They both know before who, and Regina shakes her head in disbelief. “Why didn’t you _tell_ me?” 

“Because I didn't want to ruin our friendship either. And you never gave me any indication… so I started destructively dating…” 

A tear slips from Regina’s eyes, she’s no longer able to keep everything inside. Emma notices. Instantly, Emma’s there and she feels strong arms around her. Burying her face into Emma’s shoulder, she allows a few tears to escape before she says, muffled: “God, Emma, I’m so _angry_ with you right now.” But her voice lacks the meaning as a sob escapes her mouth, and she squeezes her eyes shut.

Emma’s shaking, and when Regina raises her head, she sees she’s actually laughing. “All that time wasted,” she says with a grin, “because we’re stubborn self righteous idiots.”

“I can’t see why that is so amusing,” Regina stiffly says, but Emma only tightens her grip on Regina, who instinctively slides her arms around Emma, as well.

“Maybe not now, but maybe in the future.” Emma’s eyes shine, and she places a soft kiss at Regina’s forehead. “Dance with me,” she murmurs, “I’ve put on this dress especially for you, you know.” 

“I don’t have my dress-”  
  
“I don’t care.” 

Emma pulls Regina close, weaves their fingers together, and murmurs: “Where you lead, I’ll follow.” Regina’s lips curve into a smile as Emma starts humming a song, and they’re swaying softly on Emma’s music, while Regina can’t keep her eyes off a very content looking Emma. She kisses her again, softly, gently, while her hand that’s supposed to be on Emma’s side is trailing up and down Emma’s back, still not quite ready to believe-

“Lily _knew?!_ " Regina’s head snaps up.

Emma grins. “Apparently, you were all I could talk about,” she says sheepishly. “She literally told me ‘go get your woman’ before she shoved me out of the improvised ballroom.” She wrinkles her nose. “Speaking about the ball and its organizer, I specifically remember your mother warning me not to try anything with you.”

“Well, hopefully, she’s mellowed after six years. I’ll go change quickly, and we can go to the ball.” 

“So cool. It’ll be our first date.” 

Regina laughs.

~*~ 

When they arrive at the ball together, they’re surprised that there are still so many people inside. Cora worked her magic well, so it seems. Lily waves from across the room and it leaves Regina a little uncomfortable. She fiddles nervously, until Emma grabs her hands and gives Lily a thumbs up. Lily smiles widely, returning the gesture, and it eases at least some of her worries. 

“Ah, there you are, dear,” Cora says behind her and Regina nearly jumps, wanting to pull her hand back but Emma holds it tightly. Cora eyes their joined hands pointedly, first glares at Emma with narrowed eyes, then moves her eyes to Regina. “What’s this?” 

“I love Regina,” Emma boldly says, “Regina loves me. Took us a while to figure it out.”

“Hm,” Cora hums. “I see. A while, indeed. And when are you making an honest woman out of my daughter?”  
  
Regina nearly chokes, but Emma smiles serenely. “Well, soon. First, we have to try not to kill each other during our heart-to-hearts because there’s probably still loads to talk about and we're also very good at fighting.” 

A glass shatters at the other side of the room and Cora’s immediately distracted. “We’ll discuss this later,” she says, before marching to the unlucky waiter who dropped it.

Regina relaxes, and Emma pulls her towards the dancefloor. “I got you,” Emma whispers while pressing a kiss on her cheek, and Regina trusts that she does, completely.

~*~

  
A year later, Emma makes an honest woman out of Regina. It’s not possible to keep Cora out of the wedding organization, but only after Regine threatens to elope, Cora starts listening to their wishes. It’ll be a small ceremony with only direct family and friends. 

“Who’ll give you away?” Regina asks Emma, but she simply shrugs. “No one. I’ll just walk alone. I don’t mind. As long as I walk towards you.” 

Cora won’t have it, so in the end, the three of them walk to the altar together, Cora in the middle, giving them both away.

It’s almost like they’ve come to a full circle, Regina muses later, when she watches a couple of kids from the youth center dancing with her wife. Seven years ago Emma came to live with the Mills family, and now she truly is one. Maybe not in the way Cora anticipated at first, but Regina is not going to complain.

Emma looks up, eyes shining, and she motions her to come closer. Regina smiles, doing just that, and with every step towards her wife, it feels like she’s walking towards her future.


End file.
